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Bilingual Parenting

5 Things NOT to say to your Bilingual Child  

what not to say to your bilingual child

Last Updated on June 30, 2024 by Bilingual Kidspot

What NOT to say to your Bilingual Child

Raising bilingual kids? Many of us as parents will be guilty of saying at least one of these to our children, whether it be because we are tired, frustrated or because we actually don’t think it can do any harm.

Raising bilingual children isn’t as easy as some think it is.

It’s work, it takes a lot of understanding, and sometimes a lot of patience, especially if you are the parent with the minority language. 

Anything we say can affect them in one way or another so it is important that we think twice before making certain comments.

Here are 5 things you should not say to a bilingual or multilingual child.

1. “You said that wrong”

We must be very careful when correcting our children, especially in front of other people. And even more careful of the words we use with them.

Some children can be quite sensitive and if they feel embarrassed it can really damage their confidence. Children naturally love to please their parents so more than likely they are trying to say it correctly, however they may just be having a bit of difficulty.

An alternative would be to repeat and model the right way if your child has made an error.

If they have spoken in the alternative language, you can say something like “In English we say –xxx-“ and then move on. You may have to repeat yourself a few times but they will eventually catch on, there is no reason to force it.

Recommended Reading:
Why your child won’t speak your language and tips to encourage them

2. “Show them how can you talk in English”

It is tempting to show your child off when people ask to see how they speak “X” language, but asking them to show off to others just because they can, is not always a good idea.

For some children it can make them feel like they are different to the other children.

It is possible that some children may shy away and avoid speaking the language in front of anyone. For other children it can make them overconfident, they could start to think that they are better than others because they speak another language.

An alternative would be to say “Can you teach them how to speak some English” Or “Can you teach him/her how to say this in English”

Asking them to teach is giving them a feeling of responsibility instead of having to perform.

3. “I will give you a reward if you speak English”

Ok, so I have been guilty of this on many occasions, and it has worked. However if you do it too often it can backfire.

By rewarding your child for speaking a certain language you are essentially bribing them. Sure, they may say what you want them to at the time. But it is only because they know they are getting something out of it. It won’t make them want to speak the language by choice.

Alternatively you could make speaking the language more fun and exciting for them.

Buy some new books, or organise some different games that they don’t usually play. Give them “special activities” that can only be done in the language so that they will feel more motivated to speak.

You would be surprised how much more kids learn when having fun, and how much more they will try.

Recommended Reading:
Tips to Boost the Minority Language

4. “Your brother/sister speaks better than you in English”

We must try our best not to compare our child to anyone else especially their sibling.

All children learn at their own pace, some children will pick up words quite quickly and others may need a little bit more time. No child should be made to feel that they are not good enough.

If you think that your child isn’t at the level that you think they should be, there are many things that you can do to give your child more exposure to the language.

Recommended Reading:
Language Development in Bilingual Children
Speech Delay in Bilingual Children
Easy ways to nurture your child’s language development

5. I won’t listen to you if you don’t speak English

Children can become frustrated when they cannot express themselves and they tend to use the language they know best to communicate. They shouldn’t be punished for this in any way.

We should never tell our children that we won’t listen to them if they don’t speak the language we want. There is the risk that the child won’t want to talk back at all. 

Children will test us to see our reaction and they need to know that we are there for them, and will always listen to them, no matter what.

An alternative could be just to remind your child that you speak X language each time and tell them that you will help them express what they want to say. You could then repeat it together.

It is never too late to change

It’s never too late to change the way we speak to our children. By making an effort and thinking before we speak, we can make a positive impact in the way they view languages, and in the way they learn.

“Doing is better than not doing, and if you do something badly, you’ll learn to do it better.”  — Twyla Tharp

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